Marriage: Grace, Pancakes and Vomit.

Marriage is hard.

Now I could leave it at that or I could go in and explain how marriage is really…REALLY…hard.

It really is. Anyone tells you any different then they’re an idiot.

I’ve taken a trigonometry class. I’ve taken a geology class. Even when I was little and learning to ride a bike. All these things were extremely difficult, but none compare to marriage.

If you’re engaged, or dating. Take a few seconds and look at them in the eye. Don’t speak. Just look at each other. Now imagine them punching you in the face 10 times. If you can say to yourself honestly that you would still love them and forgive them immediately after, then congrats you’re on your way to a successful marriage. If not. You may need to have those tough conversations where both of you will answer the question, “can I love them after they punch me in the face 10 times.”

The only thing you need to know for how to survive marriage is simply…

Grace.

That’s it.

Simple.

Yet, impossibly possible.

Christen does a lot for me. I return the favor by making her pancakes. All week, she cooks, cleans, loves, makes me laugh, finds stuff I lose. God made her perfect for me. And what do I do in return? I make pancakes.

My pancakes are the best.

She loves them.

What else do I do for her?

I hurt her.

A lot.

I don’t mean to.

But I do.

In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered. (‭1 Peter‬ ‭3‬:‭7‬ NLT)

There are a lot of men who hurt their wives. Let your prayers be for us. I throw myself in that group as well, though I don’t physically hurt my wife, sometimes emotionally just in the way I speak can be twice as bad.

There’s a lot of hurting couples out there.

And there’s a lot of grace as well. Christ overflows with grace.

Read the beauty that is in this verse!

As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his foolishness. There is more hope for fools than for people who think they are wise. (‭Proverbs‬ ‭26‬:‭11-12‬ NLT)

Dating Didn’t Do It

In high schools across the country students are learning about mitochondria, isosceles triangles, and what exactly Robert Frost meant when talking about the two paths in the woods. Unless you’re working with mitochondrians, building all things isosceles, or are a hipster poet none of these things really matter. High school didn’t really prepare me for adult hood (neither did college…kind of).

And just like high schools and the real world, dating didn’t prepare me for marriage.

I was talking with my wife about what I’d post in here and she shared a story of a friend, who wasn’t dating and many people said to her “if you don’t date, you’ll never be ready for marriage.”

I call bull.

Now if I were to sum up marriage in one word it would be grace.

That’s what marriage is about and I’ll get to it later this week.

But there are a few things I did learn how to do while dating:

Fighting.
Arguing.
Yelling.
Being right.
Having the last word.
Buying presents.
Eating out.
1 am phone conversations.
Pet names.

And while dating I learned one horrendous instinct that seeps into marriages across the country.

If it doesn’t work out, you can always call it quits.

This mindset poisons every romantic relationship.

Now my wife and I didn’t actually date (each other).

We both had romantic relationships in the past but both fizzled due to numerous problems. My main problem was just being with whoever I dated at the time. I would get attached easily and want to be with them all the time and be jealous.

When Christen and I started our journey I was in Pittsburgh at the time and she was living in Dallas. This was what it took to keep us together. All we had was communication. Nothing physical. We were 1200+ miles apart and that’s what it took to make our relationship work.

The first weekend we were together was our first official date to Panera but by that time knew she was the one I planned on marrying and sure enough 2 days later I asked her father’s permission in front of everyone (minus her) we’re talking dad, mom, aunts, uncles, siblings (talking about having some cojones).

That was Thanksgiving, and I proposed Christmas Eve.

And of course we had our fair share of people that said to us;

You’re moving too fast.
You two aren’t dating.
You don’t know each other well enough.
How do you know that she/he is the one.

And when I had those things my relationships didn’t work. But to simply answer all of those questions, God.

He was in our equation.
He held together our relationship.
He drove the ship.

It was very difficult being away from each other but it was through him that made it possible.

That was the second hardest thing I’ve done. The first is marriage.

It’s Not For Everyone

After watching the above video I’ve learned 2 things:
1. This guy really hated his ex.
2. Marriage isn’t for everyone.

Now I’m only assuming that this guy was married in a relationship to someone and his marriage relationship was so awful that he sang and danced in (assuming) the alimony office. He could have been in an abusive relationship. Honestly I don’t know. I’m only assuming the best and the best is that he really hated his ex and was so happy that he was done paying her off.

Marriage is difficult. Reflecting on my life I’ve realized that dating doesn’t really prepare you for marriage. Just like high school doesn’t prepare you to be an adult. I’m still waiting for the day that my knowledge about mitochondria can help me pay bills.

I’ll be writing more about it this week as its my birthday on Wednesday and I’ll be reflecting on 28 years of life.